I'm telling to let out to the *blogging* universe and I'm only telling this much

So...

I prayed one night to God and asked (in a nearly foolish and brazen way) who I'm going to marry.

And I was given a name. His height and eye color were impressed on me. And his ancestry was shown to me in a quirky way.

Six year later, I meet a guy online.

His middle name is the same as what was revealed. His picture shows him to have the same eye color. He is as tall as what was impressed to me. His grandmother's origins confirms the ancestry.

But he's sick.

And he isn't emailing. He shows up on Ym but signs out as fast as I can type my two-letter nickname.

I woke up one early morning to the sound of whispers of invisible angels in my room, frantic in asking Jesus to heal this person.

A week later, he's been rejecting my re-invites to Yahoo messenger (because I accidentally erased his contact).

And all the telling...

Stops here. (Except that I've been seeing angels since I was 14, that my intuition [or discernment] has been sharp since I began high school, and that in spite of everything that's happening regarding this post, a Peace that doesn't make sense [or "passes all understanding, as the Bible dscribes it] permeates my psyche *phew* so I know all this will be okay)


If you're a Christian and believe in healing, do pray with me.

It's still Thursday.

This here is my first HNT. I love my thighs. Sometimes. I spent lots and lots of times alone with these darlings. In fact, I used to talk to them, as if they were Cabbage Patch Dolls coming alive. I'd even draw faces on them if I had to.

Yes, I had hyper imagination as a 5 year old. I just wish that I could harness that creativity. Thankfully, I'm 24 now and I don't need to go the bathroom for inspiration.

I find myself praying more while in the shower, though.

But I digress....

The pendant is an impulsive gift. It was hanging from my friend's boyfriend's neck, and I was wearing an avant-garde bohemian outfit. My friend realized that the cross looks good on me.

But this isn't about the pendant, I realize....

I just love my jawline. I love it I love it I love it I love it.

I hope you love it too.

Nakedness and the law

I missed HNT. I don't feel wholly bad about it, but I'll make up for it. I promise.

Speaking of HNT...

I was reading my Bible this morning, and read the entire Exodus 20, and I ended up asking a question. What does it meant at the end of the chapter when it says: "And do not go up to my altar on steps, lest your nakedness be exposed on it."



My home church takes this seriously. Yes, and I meant legalistically. They even take it to heart that women worship leaders shouldn't wear skirts on the platform, which is pure bullshit, and which is why I'm not on the worship team. I mean, you're standing on a platform that's about three feet off the ground, making the crowd's eye level right on anyone's hip area. Not nice. And I move a lot. I mean, how can you not move a lot.

I was sent home one Sunday morning because I wasn't wearing a skirt, and I was singing back up. All my skirts were in the laundry. Honest. I wasn't a fashionista then yet so skirts were scarce. The worship coordinator couldn't have it, and told me to wear the first skirt I see in the hamper.

Mean, mean people. But they're nice when not legalistic.

But that doesn't answer my Exodus 20 question, does it? Does the altar expose us? Jesus fulfilled the law. How was this fulfilled?

Looks like an online search for Biblical mojo is in order.

Oh, and to make up for a missed HNT, aside for guaranteeing that there will be more of that stuff next week, here's something I saw online a few minutes ago:
lol is all.

a God thing

I tend to dismiss my dreams as soon as I wake up, but because of the *lucid* deja vu's I've been having, a dream journal is in order.

That and I keep two journals, which I have nothing to do (most of the time) with the 3 (or s0) other blogs I maintain. Categorizing yor life is an unfulfilled obsession.

But anyway...

I was at PRC Purgatory today with a favorite aunt to get an application for a licensure exam for teachers. I always thought I had a phobia towards bureaucracies, but I was wrong. I had an aversion. Citizenship status is a bitch to deal with in this country. Needless to say, though, the experience was alright. No hassles, which is always perrrrfect.

And here it goes...

Aunt G was in a baby blue top and light cream pants. Her shoes matched her shirt charmingly. Somewhere in the qeues, she went ahead and shortened the lines for me while I went to other offices and/or windows. The line I was standing in on was ridiculously long (and predictably so), and thank God I have an iPod to entertain me (I was listening to a quirky podcast of a quirky husband and wife team). Aunt G came back to me, and we took a look at my application (also in baby blue...if anyone is curious, I was and still am in a red, black, and white striped shirt). She held it up, and pointed at whatever it was the still needed to fill up.

And boom. The black boards, the people, the heat, the noise, my aunt's face, her baby blue shirt, the baby blue form. Just as I saw in a dream about a month ago. And that's the part that I can describe as neither amazing, disturbing, or frightening. The short time between the "dreaming" and the deja vu moment is shortening. Or so I think.

While I try to make sense of this post, I'll go on to say that these things give me affirmation. But the affirmation comes after bewilderment.

Why they happen? It's not for just anyone to find out, and I'm afraid of asking those kinds of questions. I'll say it's a God-thing. It has to be.

Now that makes me feel better

Well, not the sex part.

In the latter part of the previous year, I was ashamed of asking God for the same thing over and over again. I felt that God was getting tired of hearing my prayers again and again. But that's a lie. What I'm asking God for is something I can't share or just tell out in the open just yet, but it's something that I know is huge.

Anyhoo, yeah. Things we repeat. Let me just go on with how my prayer life has been lately.

It began with being honest. Letting it all out to God about how I feel, what I feel like doing, what I feel like saying.

Yeah, God, I feel like shit today. (Because "crap" didn't exactly mean it) But it goes beyond just swearing and being all cool and avant garde about it. I do have a potty mouth, but I use it sparingly, often in private, and sometimes, at an irresistably funny joke.

Back to being honest. So, telling everything to God (not that I use God as a shrink), and afterwards, I feel better. As if everything that bogged me down disappeared. I never noticed this until the last few days. I guess something's cooking.

hnt cherry pop

So it's my first time to celebrate myself this way.

So meet my thighs. My first twins.

curious intensions

I've kept secrets and have been a secret. Kinky and profound. Naughty and thoughtful. Divine and delusional.

I gloat at holding knowledge and being the knowledge, and secrets are often the stuff that childhood is made of.

Curiosity may have an intimate marriage with destiny and an eternal contract with the universe. You know, the belief that there are no such things as coincidences (something I am mildly evangelical about). And just knowing in the depths of your self, within the bones of your marrow, and with every beat of your heart that "this is meant to be." Surreal, profound, but really real stuff.

I accidentally prodded myself into something rather private a few hours ago. It was explicit; of course it was private and of course, it wasn't for me. Was that an accident? Was that meant to be?

And for once, and oddly so, I feel comforted by this because whatever I saw wasn't intended for me, there was a strange familiarity with it, like an email from an anonymous sender who shares the same kinks. What is that supposed to mean?

Fanning the flames of this post all the more, I'd like to ask:
"Why can't parents teach their children about sexuality comfortably?"

Obviously, I'm not one to answer. Not yet, at least. But I hope one day that I will be able to.