Growth and a pattern

Binging on swinging moods today, I thought that I wanted to doom myself with a lifetime of insecurity. But I know that I'm better than that.

I spent the entire afternoon with friends yesterday. Four friends. Two couples. I must have gone a long way from being an overly jealous best friend to just being normal. The other couple is in the type of relationship that is doomed to go nowhere...geographically.

While my best friend's mother hates me and expects 25-year old behavior from me, I realized that being a 5th wheel wasn't a bother at all. In fact, I didn't feel like the fifth wheel.

There is a funny pattern, though.

The best friend has a boyfriend 2 years younger than her. The other girl is about to leave college and is dating a college sophomore. I have a boyfriend at the other side of the world while there is a boy making his presence known here, confusing me with the way he takes light of our 7 year age difference. He takes it so lightly that he must be serious. I hate him and love him at the same time. But the one on the other side of the world is the shiznit, fyi.

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Today was confusing. I walked in the rain, got my shoes drenched, sang, and this musical theater diva kept saying that she knows me. Dork that I am, I failed to tell her my name as to tattoo my germinating greatness into her brain. But I digress...

All the tension was let loose while I sit in the bus and manage prayer on the way home. The kind of prayer that is wordless but laborious. Like pure, naked thoughts let themselves out before I can manage proper language. Then I felt better. Then I realized that it wasn't the weather that makes for crappy moods.

Irregular female monthlies are a bitch.