Dreams, a nasty fever, and taking it on with a weird strain of christianity

It's amazing how sleep gets interesting when you're sick. Dreams come to you like unexpected mold on a healthy looking loaf of bread.

There's this one dream where I was in a yoga class in a parking lot of a mall, the kind that's indoors and the atmosphere resembles the lungs of lung cancer victim. Then for some reason, the yoga class evolves into a musical theater workshop that's about to end. I see my family drive by, so I hitch with them. As I gather my stuff into my bag getting ready for the car, I see my best friend ride a cab. I run over to her since she's just hopped in and I see another friend in the car, someone we aren't even particularly close to. Then I wake up.

I've never been this sick before: getting out of bed because it feels tiring, crawling back to bed because I can't take any more television. Reading, sadly, becomes taxing, and the need for looking at porn suddenly becomes pointless. I need to visit xxxchurch.com more often.

Thankfully, I'm getting better. I'm breaking out sweating, thus killing the fever, my nose isn't as runny anymore, and my head is no longer woozy.

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I'm pondering over the idea of declaring myself officially unchurched. You know, letting my pastor know and all that shit. An old high school buddy did it, but he isn't the guy I used to know anymore. I'm still me. Only smarter and, well, 25.

Our pastor's wife asked how I was and tailed the conversation with "so where do you worship?" It pissed me off. Sure, she's glad to see me, I'm glad to see her, but when I answered her question in the form of a bigger church within the city (which I haven't been going to lately because of some lame excuse), she made a sad remark that basically said "you shouldn't leave the church you grew up in." Because we all know that me leaving means 1 less of the 10,000 members they soooo want to have. With one pastor ONE LONE PASTOR leading the flock. The downfall of Moses. Please. I'm a Christian, but no the kind that makes up all kinds of crap and forces me to be friends with people I grew up with but never got along with. The dilemma of Joseph and the 10 older brothers.

God. Our church is a small mega-church wannabe. It's so f*cking sad.