an auric awareness of pink, white, red, a comparison to a cup of tea, and an inquiry of eternal importance

Knowing but not knowing (just because it feels right)
Awareness. I've been thinking about that word a lot lately.

It's because there a lot of things about myself that people find amazing that I am not even aware of. Like pulling off being the shyest (did I spell that right?) person in a play I did about 2 months back when I'm one the loudest and nonstop most talkative people anyone can encounter. I mean, I laugh at anything, and I laugh pretty loud. At least that I'm aware of.

I was at an acting workshop last February, and the most curious part about the whole session was when Jane, the acting coach decided that we "play with our auras." She never planned on having us do that, but it came from the reactions we had when we played that staple "trust" game. You know, the one where you have to fall stiff into someone's arms who is dead sure to catch you or else. There were about seven of us. The one who is to fall stands blindfolded in the middle of a wide circle that the other six will make by walking around. The "one" is to take their time in falling. According to Jane, you have to "feel" the direction in which you are to fall. A lot of people, 4 or them, probably, decided to drop themselves on the tiniest of us, the very head of our group because probably of her mother figure in spite of her incredibly petite stature. One of us "chose" to fall on me probably because I knew her before she met anyone else in the group. I was one of the those who landed on the tiny one.

"Why did you choose her?" Jane asked.

"It felt right," I answered.

I didn't move around, like what the others did. I just stood there in the circle, felt if it was right, and fell.

The thing is, in my minds eye while the circle was just about to stop after moving and walking around me, I could see a circle consisting of blocks of colors. I didn't see all of the colors around in the circle, but as the movement came to a stop, I could clearly see a bright pink block glow on the lower left of the circle as it had stopped simultaneously in my mind. The colors around it were fading shades of blue. I decided to fall in the direction the pink was, and I found out that I had "chosen" the tiny one. That would prove to be interesting as I researched what pink meant, and it turns out to be the aura color of a nuturing character, which is precisely how one would describe her.

Dwelling on what I had just said, Jane decided to pencil in an exercise of aura exploring.

An awareness of numb
We sat in a smaller circle knee to knee next to each other, pierced our palms with our middle fingers, and moved our palms in curcular movements over each other. Jane said that what we would be feeling would be something close to unbelievable. The others were feeling heat from their hands. Within seconds, the heat was overwhelming. We were feeling our auras. I wasn't feeling anything, but it was strange that my hands were moving, swirling on their own. I had a weird look on my face which Jane noticed.

"I'm not feeling anything," I said when she asked how I was doing. "In fact, I my hands feel cold, and their really moving on their own."

So she told us to swirl our palms over the palms of the people next to us. While I wasn't even feeling anything, I was surprised that the people next to me were almost gasping at the heat of my aura (okay, that sounds vain in a super villain way, but that's that). The one on my right says she almost couldn't take it, while the one on my left says that I'm as hot as a handle of a cup of tea, barely touchable but almost bearable to handle.

I wasn't feeling anything, but Jane was feeling just as overwhelmed.

While I was utterly clueless.

So she asked us to stand and find our place in the huge room, close our eyes, gather up our auras again, and do whatever we feel like our auras want to do.

I was praying in tongues as my aura started to gather. Then I was swaying. I couldn't handle it anymore, so I just had to

...run.

Who's red? -and- That streaker of white
I bumped into a girl who swore she saw a flash of red. She claims that it was me, but it couldn't be possible because the color I saw streaking behind me was white. If the red was anyone's aura, it was hers. She has what psychology calls projecting. She complains about the people around her for the group's faults when she is really talking about herself. And her kind of red means competitive, if not aggresion.

According to a few sources, a white aura:

"Indicates purity and/or protection. When detected in the outer layers of the aura, can indicate an area of the body which has been over energized, or is over active."

Which is why I felt the urge to run.

Other sources say:

"Reflects other energy. A pure state of light. Often represents a new, not yet designated energy in the aura. Spiritual, etheric and non-physical qualities, transcendent, higher dimensions. Purity and truth; angelic qualities."

I could see angels. Not all the time, so don't ask. I do get strange, ethereal, recurrent dreams, though. As if that's got anything to do with anything.

This one's my favorite:

When white stands out in the aura, and I mean in a way that it is very apparent you are seeing an abundance of white, and not just white in the aura or a poor perception of the aura, this is indicating pure pranic energy, life force, truth and purity of spirit. This has been seen in yogis and gurus. It indicates that the energy of the individual is purifying and cleansing and of the greatest spiritual awakening.

But anyway, I ran. I couldn't give much sense in "controlling" my aura, so I had to stretch, and shrink towards a squat on the floor to contain it. Jane, when walking around and walked across my path felt that where I ran was indeed hot.

...yet I couldn't feel anything. And it bothers me. It doesn't bother me a whole bunch, but the fact that I couldn't feel my aura's heat, know that my whiteness wants to do, or know what I'm feeling is something of a mystery that I feel I should at least be aware of.

The thing is, I have a nasty habit of saying that I don't mean. My family has the same nasty habit. I also have a habit of doing one thing, but meaning something else. On the brighter side of that, I tend to surprise myself, like what I said earlier about pulling off a shy-type character on stage, or exuding an air of elegance as I walk across a platform, or walking with unknown confidence when commuting (a comment a friend made once).

The novelties of the need to discover oneself
Pat said that not knowing how deeply I affect people (or him for that matter) is a great asset. It's a nice thing to say, something that I can't disagree with, but being a bimbo to myself can be harmful. I'm thankful, nonetheless. The descriptions of white auras as stated above can sometimes affirm how helpful I used to be to people I've come across in the past years. I haven't been as "useful" in the Christian charity sense of the word, but out of all this, all I have are two questions:

1. Who am I? and
2. What am I to do with this kind of energy?

The first questions asks for awareness. The closest place I can find that is in God's presence, which I am exploring as I decide to go on my own Lent (more on the following post). The second question asks for what my purpose in life is.

The closest answers that I can gather are:

1. I'm a child of God, and
   
2. Sing, act, dance (in that particular order

I am a child of God. Nothing else will change that. Sometimes I think that I suck at being a child of God redeemed by his son's death and resurrection, but it's a lie to believe in you can actually "suck" and be condemned.

As for number two, I'm not doing all that now. But one thing's sure: It's what I'd love to do forever.