Faith endorphines

There is nothing like an endorphine rush. Especially if it comes out and pounces on you the midst of anxiety.

When Jesus was on the cross, the last thing he ever said was "It is finished." From a teachign I listened to recently (and a real bad ass one at that), theoriginal language used the word teleo, which implies accomplishment, of completion. Of course, any "good" Christian would say that the price has been paid in full, yadda yadda, yadda, but saying this while at the end of something that was abrupted by corruption, politics and power, it doesn't really sound, well, sound.

My mother, as her wont on certain mornings, woke me up in such a way that we were having an argument. She had reason to complain. Having slept at 8 am that morning out of a nasty habit of cramming a submission for my an MA class, she complained to me at around noon (in the middle of yet another strange dream involving the plaid green pattern of my old high school uniform), about my unemployment. I felt like she was telling me what I already know, which makes me feel stupid, which in turn makes me feel like utter shit.

Note to self: never ever wake up your children this way EVER.

Having been to a job fair recently, and left a resume to some 5 companies, called for an interview, and currently waiting for a follow-up interview, the wait is terrible. It's supposed to wear down on me, but it seems to wear down on my mother more than it really should.

Do I feel bummed that I'm not employed? F*ck yes. But how am I really supposed to feel?

I heard this from Rob Bell:

"His claims are greatest when He is at His worst."

While commuting to school hours later after unintentionally being talked down to like I'm a piece of crap, I set out to submit the said crammed submission. On the onset of the commute, I prayed. And on the onset of my prayer, I admitted to the nasty stuff I had done. Porn, doubting God's promises, laziness and the unfulfilment of a promise to a friend to make a zine. Simple stuff, but these were the things that were bearing down on me, and I didn't want these to interfere with my walk with God, especially my peace of mind.

And I felt all the baddies go away. And so I prayed the best prayers, and praised God on my way home. Everything was going to be fine. I know that the best company will call and hire me.

So keep up courage...for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me. ~Acts 27.25